


You could at least recognize me

by Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Flashbacks, Hydra (Marvel), Minor Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Natasha-centric, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Spies & Secret Agents, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Very Minor, With A Twist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-14 07:16:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/pseuds/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen
Summary: What did Natasha mean when she said 'you could at least recognize me' in Civil War? Was she talking about the encounter in Washington or something...more? What if there was more to the story, a secret history between The Winter Soldier and Black Widow? How would that change the story?





	1. Realize

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea that I’ve been going back and forth for a while on whether I should do it but I decided just to at least start it, see if anyone is interested. This story is mostly inspired by the fact that I learned, in the comics, Bucky went undercover with the Russians and helped train Natasha as well as having a brief relationship with her. I don’t know how often I’ll update this but I hope you enjoy this.

Washington D.C.

Afternoon

 

Natasha hit the car as she was thrown off The Winter Soldier. She looked up at him and his blue eyes stared back at her coolly. It sent an unexpected pang of longing through her heart, as his blue eyes looked so much like another pair. Don’t think of him now, she criticized herself. She pulled out a small metal disk from her sleeve and threw it. It hit his robotic arm and a shock seemed to paralyze him. Natasha then jumped to her feet and ran in the opposite direction.

 

Natasha ran through the streets, shouting at civilians to run. Then there was the sounding of shattering glass and Natasha felt a searing pain in her shoulder. She went down, leaning her back against a car as she put pressure f her shoulder, feeling her warm blood on her fingers.  Turning her head, she saw The Winter Soldier aiming an assault rifled at her and wondered if this was the way she would die.

 

Then Steve rushed her enemy and The Winder Soldier took his attention of her as he punched Steve’s shield. Then a kick sent Steve flying off the top of a car and too the ground. The Winter Soldier fired at Steve but Steve used his shield to block the bullets. The soldier dropped the rifle and jumped off the car while Steve jumped to his feet. The soldier pulled out two pistols and fired at Steve, who used his shield to block the bullets once more as he rushed the soldier. Steve tried to hit him with the shield but the soldier caught it with his human arm. Steve then slugged the soldier but it did not seem to affect him.  The soldier snatched the shield from Steve and punches him with his robotic arm, sending Steve flying down on his back.

 

Steve quickly jumped up and rushed the soldier, who threw the shield. Steve ducked as the shield imbeds itself into a van behind him as he rushed the soldier, who had pulled out a knife. The two meet in a flurry of blows, with Steve disarming his enemy and punching him, sending him into a van. Steve then ran to him and the fight continued, it was even hard to keep up for Natasha’s well trained eyes. But that might have to do with her blood loss.

 

The fighting super soldiers had wondered out of Natasha’s view during the fight before coming back into it on the road. Steve grabbed his shield and then used it to block the soldier’s fist and then grabbed him by the face, flipping him over, causing the soldier’s mask to fall off. The soldier stands up and looks at Steve, allowing his face to be seen. Natasha gasped softly as Steve said something but she couldn’t hear, her brain could comprehend nothing as she stared at the soldier. It was him, he was here...he was The Winter Soldier.

 

_Russia, many years ago_

_Day_

_Natalia Romanova fired, hitting the practice board in the heard, just like she had been taught. She felt a pleased smile cross her face, a look that made her face light up, unlike when it was usually hard and closed off. She felt him approach from behind and her face was in place even as her body hummed in anticipation._

_“Impressive, most impressive. But there is still room for improvement.” He noted professionally._

_“Perhaps you can teach me how.” Natalia said innocently._

_He smirked, not at all fooled but still, reached down and grabbed her hand, adjusting the way she held the gun. Her heart hammered in her chest, enjoying the feeling of his skin on hers every second. He must have felt the same, because he didn’t seem all that eager to let go._

_“Pay close attention to your target, let no small detail escape your notice. Every second counts, one detail missed could mean the difference between failure and success.” He whispered in her ear lowly as though he were speaking to a lover._

Natasha came out of her daze induced flashback to see Steve was surrounded by shield agents, Rumlow holding a gun to Steve’s head. And He was gone.


	2. You could at least recognize me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria Hill gets Natasha , Steve, and Sam out of a jam as Natasha remembers more of her time with Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, glad the response for this story mostly seems to be positive. And sorry this is so short but next chapter will be longer and we will start to deviate more from canon next chapter.

Washington D.C.

Afternoon

 

Bucky Barnes. That was his name. He was Steve’s best friend from before he had been frozen back in World War Two. Captain America’s best friend was Hydra’s brainwashed top assassin. Natasha was sure there was a special kind of irony there.

 

“How is that even possible? It was like seventy years ago.” Sam pointed out.

 

“Zola. Bucky’s whole unit was captured in 43. Zola experimented on him. Whatever Zola did to him helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and…” Steve trailed off.

 

“None of that’s your fault Steve.” Natasha said knowing he was blaming himself as she fought to stay conscious.

 

“Even when I had nothing I had Bucky.” Steve said glumly.

 

Natasha stared to lose consciousness and heard Sam say something to the guards, though she could barely make it out. Suddenly, one of the guards attacked the other, snapping Natasha back to what was going on. As the other guard fell over, the attacker pulled off their helmet to reveal the face of Maria Hill.

 

“That thing was squeezing my brain,” Maria said before looking over at Sam, “who’s this guy?”

 

As Sam started to introduce himself, Natasha finally lost the battle with unconsciousness, welcoming the black.

 

_Russia, many years ago_

_Day_

_“You’re improving,” He said as Natalia lost her king, “that’s almost twice the number of moves it took me to defeat you last time.”_

_“What is the point of this? How will chess help me?” Natalia wondered._

_“It will improve your strategy, your ability to think in the heat of battle.  Everything will not always go according to plan; you will need to improvise at times.” He explained patiently._

_With a devilish smirk, Natalia flipped over the board, causing the pieces to fly all over. He gave her an unamused look before she lunged at him. He held out his arm and easily caught the kick she aimed at him. He flipped her over, causing her to fall to the floor on her back. He stood up as she jumped to her feet and blocked all of Natalia’s attacks, though He had a smirk on his face, letting her know he was enjoying this as much as she was. Suddenly, he grabbed her by the arms and turned her around, pinning her against the wall. As he leaned close to her, Natalia’s heart raced in anticipation, wondering what he would do to her next._

_“I think that’s enough.” He whispered n her ear as he backed away._

_Natalia repressed her disappointment as he turned and walked out of her room. She growled in frustrated and hit the wall._

Washington D.C., present

Afternoon

 

Natasha opened her eyes as the car stopped. The door opened and Maria ad Steve jumped out. Steve and Sam helped her out of the back. Natasha noted they were at the entrance to what looked like a secret base, judging on her years of experience. But it definitely wasn’t one that Natasha had heard about. Maria opened the gate and the four of them entered. As they walked in, a man in a suit started running towards  them.

 

“GSW, she’s lost at least a pint.” Maria told the man.

 

“Maybe two.” Sam added.

 

“Let me take her.” The man said.

 

“She’ll want to see him first.” Maria protested.

 

Natasha had no idea what she was talking about and clearly Steve and Sam didn’t either. Then Maria let them to a room with a curtain. Maria drew back the curtain and Natasha stiffened while Steve stared in shock.

 

“About damn time.” Fury quipped from his bed.


	3. Loss of trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fury's secrets shake Natasha's faith in him as more details of Natasha and Bucky's past are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, Bucky didn’t lose his arm in the fall during TFA and he still had it by the flashback events of Civil War.

Secret Shield base

Afternoon 

 

Natasha seethed as she stared at Fury coldly. She couldn’t believe that he had allowed her to believe that he was dead. Steve she could understand, but she could’ve kept up the ruse, made it convincing. The sting of betrayal had never cut so deep before.

 

“Why all the secrecy, why not just tell us?” Steve demanded.

 

“Any attempt on the director’s life had to look successful.” Maria explained.

 

“Can’t kill you if you’re already dead. Besides, I wasn’t sure who to trust.” Fury explained.

 

In other words, he hadn’t trusted her. Natasha looked away, hurt flooding through her.

 

Hydra safe house

Night

 

The Winter Soldier did not react as the techs repaired his metal arm. But then, images began to flood his mind. Images of men, a train, snow, and pain. The soldier suddenly reached out and smacked the man repaired his arm, sending him flying across the room.

 

Later, Alexander Pierce walked into the room to find the soldier surrounded by Hydra agents with their rifles pointed at him. At Pierce’s wave, they lowered their weapons as he walked over to the soldier.

 

“Mission report,” Pierce demanded but the soldier was silent, “Mission report now.”

 

The Soldier was still silent.  Pierce leaned down to his level then smacked him with the back of his hand. This seemed to knock the soldier out of whatever daze he was in.

 

“The man on the bridge,” the soldier began, remembering him, “who is he?”

 

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.” Pierce explained but the soldier didn’t think that was it.

 

“I knew him.” The soldier realized.

 

With a sigh, Pierce sat down in front of him.

 

“Your work has been a gift to mankind, you helped shape the century. Now I need you to do it one last time. Society is at a tipping point between chaos and order. And tomorrow, we’re gonna give it a little push. But, if you don’t do your part, I can’t do mine. And Hydra can’t give the world the freedom it deserves.” Pierce explained.

 

“But I knew him. And the red haired woman…I knew her to.” The soldier insisted as he saw their faces in his mind.

 

“Prep him.” Pierce said as he stood up.

 

“He’s been out of Cryo Freeze for too long.” One of the techs protested.

 

“Then wipe him and start over.” Pierce ordered as he walked out.

 

The soldier was pushed back to the bed and something was put in his mouth. He bit down on it as metal restraints strapped him to the bed. Two metal arms with a device attached to each of them lowered to his head, half covering his face. As The Soldier screamed in pain, he remembered something.

 

_Russia, many years ago_

_Day_

_“Now, I want you to try to block me. I will be holding back a little, so as not to make it impossible.” The soldier explained._

_Natalia nodded slightly, a smirk on her face. The soldier attempted to strike her but she managed to block him. However, she then ditched the script and slipped him on his back. Smirking, the soldier stood up and came at her, no longer holding back. Within a few minutes of their dance, he had her pinned against the wall._

_“Now, what did that accomplish?” The soldier asked with a raised eyebrow._

_With a smirk, Natalia raised her head and their lips met. There was silence in the room before the soldier pulled back and let her go._

_“I think that’s enough for today.” The soldier said before he turned and walked out._

_Natalie’s smirk widened, knowing she had gotten to him._

Secret Shield base, present, next day

Early morning

 

“This man declined the Nobel peace prize, said peace wasn’t an achievement. It was an objective. This is what gives me trust issues.” Fury said as he tossed a picture of Pierce on the table.

 

“We have to stop the launch.” Natasha said stiffly.

 

“I don’t think the council’s accepting my calls anymore.” Fury said as he opened a briefcase to reveal three computer disks.

 

“What’s that?” Sam asked.

 

“Once the Helicarriers reach three-thousand feet, they’ll triangulate, becoming fully weaponized.” Maria said as she turned a laptop around to reveal a diagram.

 

“We need to breach those carriers and replace their chips with our own.” Fury added.

 

“One or two isn’t gonna cut it. We need to get all three ships, because if even one remains operational, a whole lot of people are gonna die.” Maria explained.

 

“We have to assume everyone on board is Hydra. We need to get past those sever blades and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what’s left.” Fury said.

 

“We’re not salvaging anything,” Steve cut in, nearly cutting Fury off, “we’re not just taking down the carriers, we’re taking down Shield.”

 

“Shield had nothing to do with it.” Fury protested.

 

“You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. Shield’s been compromised, you said so yourself. Hydra grew right under y our nose and nobody noticed.” Steve snapped angrily.

 

“Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave? I noticed.” Fury told him.

 

“And how many paid the price before you did?” Steve demanded and Fury was silent for a moment.

 

“Look, I didn’t know about Barnes.” Fury said and Natasha stiffened.

 

“Even if you had, would have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that to? Shield, Hydra, it all goes.”  Steve declared.

 

“He’s right.” Maria agreed.

 

Fury looked at Natasha, silently begging her to back him up. But she simply crossed her arms, staring at him coldly as she leaned back in her chair. Fury looked over at Sam but Sam just shook his head.

 

“Don’t look at me; I do what he does, just slower.” Sam said and Natasha smiled thinly in amusement. 

 

“Well,” Fury sighed as he leaned back in his chair, “Looks like you’re giving the orders now Captain.”

 

“Wait,” Natasha spoke up and everyone looked at her, “I wanna know something first: did you know? About me and him?”

 

“Natasha.” Fury said silently begging as the others looked confused.

 

“No!” Natasha shouted as she slammed her hands on the table, standing up and starting Steve and Maria, who had never seen her like this before. “I don’t want any of your excuses or half-truths! I want an honest answer from you for once! Did. You. Know?”

 

“I knew you two were in The Red Room together,” Fury admitted after a moment, “the rest I put together myself.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Natasha demanded.

 

“I thought it would compromise your judgement.” Fury said sounding a little apologetic.

 

“I need some air.” Natasha said storming out.

 

Natasha stormed outside and ended up on the bridge. She stood out there, staring at the view for five minutes until Steve joined.

 

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” Steve asked concerned and she was silent a few moments.

 

“You know about my background,” Natasha began and Steve nodded, “in The Red Room, where I was trained…Barnes was there.”

 

“What?” Steve demanded shocked.

 

“He never told me his name and he didn’t have the metal arm back then. I didn’t know he was The Winter Soldier until yesterday. He helped train me and we grew…close.”

 

“How close?” Steve asked, already having a pretty good idea.

 

_Russia, many years ago_

_Night_

_“You have come far in many months,” The soldier said impressed as he blocked Natalia’s strike._

_“But not good enough?” Natalia asked with an innocent smile and he smirked._

_“Not good enough.” He repeated._

_Smirking, Natalia grabbed his arm and threw him over her shoulder. The soldier landed on his feet gracefully as Natalia rushed him. They exchanged a few blows before the soldier grabbed around her neck and slammed her onto the floor, though he took extra care not to hurt her._

_The pair stared at each other as the rest of the world seemed to disappear, it was just them. An internal battle seemed to wage in the soldier for a moment before he came to a decision. He released Natalia’s neck and crashed his lips onto her. Natalia reached her hands up and ran them through his dark brown locks as they kissed passionately. Suddenly, Natalia flipped them over so she was straddling him. With a devilish, smirk Natalia removed her shirt before she leaned down to kiss him again._

Washington D.C., present

Early morning

 

“Oh.” Steve said lamely.

 

“Yeah.” Natasha nodded.

 

“So what happened?” Steve asked and she sighed.

 

“We kept our relationship a secret, but not secret enough, apparently. My superiors found out, and they must have alerted Hydra. They came in the night and took him. I never saw him again.” Natasha said sadly.

 

“I’m sorry.” Steve said.

 

“It’s not your fault Steve. Who should be sorry is Fury. He knew about this and knew that he was The Winter Soldier. I’m not sure that I can ever trust that man again.” Natasha almost spat.

 

“Do you trust me?” Steve asked.

 

“Absolutely.” Natasha said without hesitation.

 

“Then trust in me and trust that we can save him.” Steve told her and she looked at incredulously.

 

“You really think he can be saved?” Natasha asked skeptically.

 

“Without a doubt.” Steve said confidently.

 

“that makes one of us.”

 

The pair looked over to see Sam approaching.

 

“How much did you hear?” Natasha demanded.

 

“Just that part about saving him. Him I assume is Barnes?” Sam asked and they nodded. “Look, whoever he used to be, the guy he is now…I don’t think he’s the kind of guy you save. I think he’s the kind you stop.”

 

“I don’t know if I can do that.” Steve admitted.

 

“Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn’t know you.” Sam reminded him.

 

“He will. Gear up you two. It’s time.” Steve ordered as he turned and started walking away.

 

“You’re not seriously gonna wear that, are you?” Natasha asked him.

 

“No,” Steve said as he looked back with a smirk, “if you’re gonna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform.”


	4. Bucky and The Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle, Steve and The Avengers attempt to reach Bucky within The Winter Soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we’re going to be skipping ahead to the point where Bucky pulls Steve out of the river. This is because I do not think this twist would have changed anything in the battle. This is also the point where the story becomes a complete AU.

Washington D.C.

Afternoon

 

The Soldier dragged Captain America out of the river, water dripping down from his hair. He set the Captain down and made sure he was still alive before he stood up. The Soldier turned to walk into the woods when his danger senses flared up. He turned around just a small, yellow blast of energy hit him in the chest. The Solider was thrown back and hit a tree, breaking it in half as he rolled on to the ground, out cold.

 

“Stay down buddy.” Iron Man said as he lowered his arm.

 

New York, Avengers tower, next day

Afternoon

 

“Friend Rogers, good to see you alive and well my friend!” Thor said as the injured Steve walked in escorted by Sam.

 

“Thanks Thor.” Steve nodded in thanks.

 

“How you doin’ Cap?” Tony asked as he walked over to The Captain.

 

“I’m doing alright. One perk about the serum: I heal a little faster than the average man,” Steve joked and The Avengers all laughed, “Tony, what were you doing in Washington?”

 

“Fury called me. Said he was worried that Romanoff’s judgement was a little clouded.” Tony explained and Natasha scoffed.

 

“He would, he wouldn’t he?” Natasha said bitterly and Clint and Bruce looked at her in concern while Steve looked at her in understanding.

 

“You okay Nat?” Clint asked concerned.

 

“I’m fine.” She said stiffly.

 

“So, who’s your friend Cap?” Tony asked as he noticed Sam.

 

“Sam Wilson.” Sam said as he held out his hand to Tony.

 

“He’s a friend, he helped Natasha and I out in Washington.” Steve explained as Tony shook Sam’s hand.

 

“Well, thanks for helping them out. You’re military?” Tony asked, recognizing the way Sam held himself.

 

“Former U.S. Air Force.” Sam corrected as they dropped hands.

 

“Nice.” Tony said impressed.

 

“So how is he?” Steve asked.

 

“He’s awake but he’s unresponsive.” Bruce told Steve.

 

“Probably doesn’t help that we’ve got him under lock and key.” Clint mused.

 

“Where is he?” Steve asked.

 

The Soldier stared at the infirmary walls, a blank expression on his face.  He had awakened many hours ago and had known he had been captured. But by who, he wondered. And was Steve okay?

 

The door opened and The Soldier looked over to see Steve walk in. The Soldier masked his relief as Steve walked over to him. Pulling over a chair, Steve sat down next to the bed he was restrained in.

 

“How are you feeling?” Steve asked him.

 

“Fine.” The Soldier said blankly.

 

“Do you know who I am?” Steve asked him.

 

“You’re Captain America, you were my target.” The Soldier said truthfully.

 

“I’m more than that and you know it. Why did you pull me out of the river?” Steve demanded.

 

“I don’t know.” The Soldier lied.

 

“Mr. Barnes heartrate indicates he is lying.” JARVIS told the Avengers as they watched from a video feed.

 

“You really think Barnes can be reached?” Tony asked the others.

 

“Friend Rogers seems to believe so.” Thor pointed out.

 

“Nat was no different the first time I met her. If I can reach her, Cap can reach Barnes.” Clint said confidently as he and Nat exchanged a fond smile.

 

“Hey, what’s Steve doing?” Bruce asked as they saw Steve take something out of his jacket.

 

“Do you know her?” Steve asked as he showed The Soldier a picture of Natasha.

 

“No.” The Soldier said honestly, although he felt a strange flutter in his heart.

 

“Her name is Natasha Romanoff. Or maybe you would know her better as Natalia Romanova?” Steve asked and the name triggered a memory.

 

_Russia, many years ago_

_Day_

_“Natalia Romanova?” Natalia turned away from her knives to see a rather handsome man walking over to her._

_“Yes?” She asked, eying him unashamed._

_“I will be taking over your training from here on out.” He smirked._

_“And you are?” Natalia asked curiously._

_“You don’t need my name.” He promised a hint of flirtation in his voice._

Present

 

“You two grew…close.” Steve reminded him.

 

_Natalia’s moans filled the room as His hands ran up her leg._

“Shut up!” The Soldier shouted as he started struggling violently to get free of his restraints.

 

“JARVIS, what’s happening?” Tony demanded as alarms started going off.

 

“It appears Mr. Barnes’ brainwaves are spiking erratically, causing this outburst. And his restraints won’t hold much longer.” JARVIS informed them.

 

True to Jarvis’ word, The Soldier broke free of his restraints and lunged for Steve. The chair Steve was sitting in fell over as The Soldier tackled Steve and the two rolled onto the floor as they wrestled, Steve managing to kick The Soldier off and the two super humans stood up, staring each other down.

 

“Bucky, it’s me. Steve.” Steve tried to reach his friend.

 

“Stop calling me that!” The Soldier shouted as he lunged for Steve.

 

Only to stop in his tracks as an arrow landed at his feet. The two looked at the door to see the rest of The Avengers and Sam standing in the door way, ready to do battle if necessary.

 

“Calm down Barnes. This doesn’t have to end in a fight.” Tony told him.

 

“My name is not Barnes. I have no name; I am simply an extension of Hydra’s will.” The Soldier snarled.

 

“You don’t really believe that Buck.” Steve told him.

 

Snarling, The Soldier decked Steve, sending Steve flying back into the bed and the other Avengers sprang into action. Clint fired at him but The Soldier caught the arrow and threw it back at him. Clint cried out as The Soldier managed to get him in the shoulder and Tony jumped in, his hands covered with the hand pieces of his armor. The Solder attempted to deck Tony with his metal arm but Tony caught it and tried to black him. However, The Soldier took advantage of the split second it took and grabbed Tony’s shirt with his human arm and tossed him to the other side of the room, the billionaire hitting the wall face first. Natasha then jumped on his back and The Soldier struggled to get her off as he stumbled back However, The Soldier managed to reached back and grabbed her by her throat. The Soldier yanked her off him and slammed her back against the wall, his hand around her throat. No recognition was in his eyes as he looked at her, to her great disappointment.

 

“You could at least recognize me.” Natasha told him, a catch in her voice that only Clint noticed as she stared at him with pain filled eyes.

 

A blast of lightning suddenly struck The Soldier, causing him to let go as he flew across the room and hit a wall violently. The Soldier hit the floor, unconscious as Nat fell to her knees, messaging her throat where his hand had been only moments earlier. Thor approached her and helped her stand as Sam helped Tony up and Steve stood up, shaking off The Soldier’s strike.

 

“Everyone alright?” Steve asked.

 

“We will be once we restrain this guy. I know he’s your friend Cap, but until we can find a way to remind him who he really is, I think he should be restrained.” Tony reasoned and Steve sighed, knowing he was right.

 

“Okay, we locked him up. At least for now.” Steve agreed and Tony nodded, understanding how hard this was for him.

 

“While you’re at it, can someone explain what’s going on between Barnes and Nat? And why you seem to know about it Cap?” Clint winced as he pulled out the arrow in his shoulder before looking back and forth between Steve and Natasha.

 

“Let’s lock him up…and then I’ll tell you everything.” Natasha promised.


	5. Puzzle pieces

Avengers tower  
Afternoon

“So…you and Barnes.” Clint said as the other Avengers and Sam stared at Natasha in shock.

“Yes.” She said simply.

“Man, this sounds like some life time movie or something.” Tony complained.

“I need some air.” Natasha said stiffly as she stalked out.

“What?” Tony asked as everyone glared at him while Clint hurried after Natasha.

“You’re a real jerk, you know that?” Sam asked hotly.

“Part of my charm.” Tony shrugged.

“Nat!” Clint calls out as Natasha stops.

“I don’t want to talk about it Clint.” Natasha said without facing him.

“That doesn’t work for me Nat.” Clint told her.

“Well too bad.” Natasha said as she stormed off.

The Soldier stared blackly at the glass wall. He had been here for about three days, by his estimate, and no one had come in. His mind was whirling, a mix of images and sounds, some featuring Black Widow and others Steve. He looked up when he saw Steve appear on the other side of the glass. He stood up and it was silent between the two soldiers for a minute.

“Your mom’s name was Sara. You used to put newspapers in your shoes.” Bucky told him and Steve blinked in surprise.

“You remember?” Steve asked stunned.

“Bits and pieces. It’s like….okay; you’ve got two puzzles that are exactly the same. You drop the boxes and all the pieces spill out in a plie; you can’t tell which is which anymore.” Bucky explained and Steve nodded.

“And that’s your mind right now,” Steve said and Bucky nodded, “If you’d let me, I’d like to help you figure out what’s real.”

“I don’t know if I can trust myself not to hurt anyone again.” Bucky said, remembering going berserk on The Avengers.

“Do you trust me?” Steve asked.

“With my life.” Bucky said without hesitation.

“Then trust I’ll stop out from hurting anyone.” Steve told him.

After a moment, Bucky nodded. At Steve’s signal to the cameras, the glass door opened up. Bucky walked out, still looking uncertain. In the control room, Natasha watched from the back of the room, observing with the others as Clint walked up to her.

“Hey.” Clint said casually.

“Hey.” Natasha said stiffly.

“Do you love him?” Clint asked.

“Love is for children.” She said coldly.

“Hey, it’s just me, okay? Your best friend. So, do you love him?” Clint asked and she was silent for a long moment.

“I’m not sure I know what love is or if I’m capable of it.” Natasha admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this is so short, next chapter will be longer, I promise.


	6. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Natasha finally come face to face and have a talk about Bucky's memories of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we’re going to be skipping ahead to the events of Age of Ultron after this chapter, just so no one is confused.

Avenger’s tower

Morning

 

It had been about a week since Bucky had been deemed no threat and released from his holding cell. Since then, he had met most of The Avengers. Tony seemed like a jerk but he also invoked in Bucky the hazy memory of Howard as well as a sense of guilt and shame for which Bucky couldn’t explain. So Bucky tended to avoid Tony.

 

Thor seemed a bit loud, but like a good guy. Bruce was nice but seemed skittish. After Steve told him of Bruce’s ‘condition’, Bucky understood why. Sam had seemed nice enough during his visit before he left. Out of all the Avengers, outside of Steve of course, he seemed to get along the best with Clint. Clint reminded him of his old war buddies back in the day, or at least his vague memories of them. However, there was still one Avenger he had yet to officially meet. One who haunted his dreams.

 

Bucky walked into the kitchen and stopped. Natasha, who had been pouring herself a drink, stiffened as she put the pitcher down. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. For a moment, neither said a word.

 

“So…how’s your shoulder?” Bucky asked and internally winced at how lame that was.

 

“Healing.” Natasha said dryly and Bucky winced as remorse flooded him.

 

“I’m sorry.” Bucky said apologetically.

 

“It’s okay. I know a little something about being brainwashed by a terrorist organization,” Natasha said before pausing, “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Go ahead.” Bucky said easily.

 

“I’m not sure how much you remember about…us, but can you tell me…was any of it real…for you?” Natasha tried to not let it show how much this had been consuming her thoughts.

 

“I don’t remember much about our time together…but what I do know is that in seventy years of being brainwashed and used as a puppet…you were the only thing that was real to me. Natalia, you made me feel for the first time in a long time. They punished me for that.” Bucky said as he looked down at his metal arm.

 

_Hydra facility, many years ago_

_“You need to learn obedience,” A Hydra scientist said as The Soldier was strapped down to a table, a laser above him, “and suffering will be your teacher.”_

_The laser turned on and The Soldier screamed in agony as it bore into his arm._

Present

 

“I’m sorry.” Natasha said, feeling guilty that she had caused him pain, even if it hadn’t been her fault.

 

“Don’t be, when I look at this arm…I’m reminded that all those years as Hydra’s weapon weren’t all bad. There was some good in there to,” Bucky flashed a slight smile and Natasha tentatively returned it, “so…thanks for making it not all suck Natalia.”

 

“Natasha,” She corrected and he looked at her confused, “I go by Natasha now, Natasha Romanoff.”

 

“Well then, it’s nice to meet you Natasha, for the first time that is,” Bucky said as he held out his human hand to Natasha, “I’m Bucky. But you probably already knew that.”

 

“I did. But like you said, it’s nice to meet you for the first time.” Natasha said as she took his hand.

 

“Hey,” Steve paused as he entered and feeling like two teenagers caught in the act, Natasha and Bucky dropped hands, “everything okay?”

 

“Everything’s fine Steve.” Natasha assured him and he looked between them for a moment.

 

“Okay. Bucky, get dressed.” Steve said as he looked at his life-long friend.

 

“Why?” Bucky asked confused.

 

“I think I may have found a way to trigger some of your memories.” Steve told him.

 

Washington D.C.

Late afternoon

 

Bucky, in a hoodie that hid his face from the crowd, walked with Steve through the Jeffersonian Museum as they reached the Captain America exhibit. At first, Bucky didn’t know why Steve had brought him there. Then, he saw it. Bucky stiffened as he stared at his own face as a prerecorded voice played.

 

“Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, inseparable on both school yard and the battlefield…”


End file.
